Where is the Queue?

Sunday night late—the stoop seems as good a place as any to ponder.
Big things, I always choose.  Tonight, all I see is the moon, and it is big enough.
Full, bright, and orange it was when earlier I stood with my love, taken with wonder.
Now murky and circled with clouds, it only warns of rain to come in the soon dawning day.  Monday with rain.

How does the joy and wonder turn so suddenly to foreboding?
Where does the elation go when I am overcome with dread?
It is not only the moon and not only the night that bring the sudden turnaround.
Still.  The questions remain.
How so suddenly changed?
Where can I go to retrieve the joy?
Where is the queue to reclaim peace for my soul?

I wrote the words a year ago.  They were never meant to share.  Not with anyone.

Two nights ago, he called me—the man who is the rock.  No, really.  The Rock of Gibraltar.  Or, so I have believed.

His close friends, two of them, have died in the last week.  Another, even closer to him, is in the terrifying uncertainty of awaiting the doctor’s report.

He is shaken.  Shaken.

We talked for some time and agreed on this certainty at the end of the conversation: We know the Peace-giver.  In our prayers and gratitude, He gives His peace that we cannot understand.

The Prince of Peace gives Himself.  

The Prince of Peace gives Himself. Share on X

His words, fear not, are not meant as a command to be followed religiously, in fear of offense.  They are the assurance of a loving parent—a promise of safety, of wholeness, of perfect rest.  

They are words to comfort and not to condemn.

And, as children are wont to do, we forget.  We do.  

And, like a Father, He reminds again.  And again.  

His words are fresh every time.  His arms of protection cover—every time.

Peace.  I am leaving it with you.  Not the kind of peace the world offers, brokered by the powerful and ensured by weapons and threats.  No, my peace is a gift to hold in your heart, where no man and no circumstance can plunder it.  (John 14:27)

Where anger rules, peace dissolves.  Where terror dwells, peace cannot live.  Where worry spreads, peace is no more.

Does it mean our hearts will never be touched by these things?  By no means.

Fear may pass through, anger may swell up, anxiety may worm its way in.

But His peace reigns.  Just as Peter, when we begin to sink beneath the waves, we remember who rules those waves.  

As we walk through the valley of the shadow, we recall who waits for us over there.

You know—over there.  Where our home—our real home—is being made ready for us.

Here is the queue to reclaim peace—in exactly the same place it was the last time.

We’re next in line.  Every time.

Peace.

Shalom.

 

 

God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there.  There is no such thing.
(C.S. Lewis ~ British theologian/author ~ 1898-1963)

 

 

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 4:7 ~ KJV)

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2017. All Rights Reserved.

 

I Remember Peace

They were kind enough to invite me to ride with them recently.  The seasoned riders have trekked many miles together in the years I’ve been aware of them.

I usually ride alone.  

It’s not that I don’t like being with people, but simply that the logistics are less complicated when I’m the only one who has to agree to the time and length of ride.  

It would be just another ride for me, I thought, but one spent in a group of men who, like me, enjoyed the spinning of the crank and wind of freedom blowing on their faces.  

I never expected to be transported back fifty years as I rode.

It was my own fault really.  One kind member of the group, noticing my problem, rode beside me for a few moments and explained the theory I obviously didn’t grasp.

“You don’t ride much with groups, do you?  If you’ll stay with the other riders, the ride will be a lot easier.”

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to understand his meaning.  Riding in a group reduces the effect of the wind, making the ride much less taxing.  One has only to watch a professional bicycle racing team to grasp the idea.  Drafting, following each other closely, is only a part of the benefit.

I never have been good at that—staying with the group.  I’ve got my own ideas of what works, what corners to turn, how fast to ride on the downhills, and how hard to pedal up the steep slopes.  But, perhaps the kind fellow is right.

I tried to follow his advice—really, I did.  

But, they went slower than I wanted on the downhill parts.  Then they went faster than I was ready to try on the uphill sections.

And, besides that, my mind was already a thousand miles away and fifty years in the past.

I guess I’ve always done it—ridden at my own pace.  Still, the fear that knotted my insides on that long-ago day should have taught me a lesson to remember for life.  

There were usually at least five of us who rode together—sometimes more.  Through neighborhoods and across fields, down into canals and over levees, we pedaled our nondescript bikes.  Brothers, neighbors, schoolmates—it didn’t matter.  Whoever wanted to ride went along.

I heard the voices calling and jerked back from my daydreaming.

Oye vato!

The four young men standing at the corner toward which I was heading had suddenly become aware of my presence.  It took only an instant for me to realize what was going on.

As I was riding ahead of the group of ragtag boys, I had turned the corner into La Paloma without knowing it.  La Paloma was a barrio, or neighborhood, in my hometown famous for the gang that wandered its streets.  It has gotten much worse since my childhood, but even then, we knew better than to meander down its avenues idly.

The young men were headed into the street, coming straight for me.  I remembered passing someone at the corner behind as well, and glanced back.  Sure enough, he had moved onto the pavement, blocking my quick escape that way.

I was terrified.  No other word describes it.  

Terror.

I was also alone.  I can only imagine the conversation of my comrades as they gathered around the corner, just outside the neighborhood.

Can you believe he went in there?  What was the idiot thinking?  I’m not going in!  No way!

Fortunately for me, they didn’t take long to decide that somebody had to come in after the idiot.  Just in time, all of them came riding around the corner, about the moment I was trying to decide which one of the guys in front of me I might be able to knock over if I rode at him full speed.  I never found out.

As soon as the rest of the group came into view, the other boys moved back onto the verge of the parking area and simply watched us ride past.  

We rode, nonchalantly and quietly, down the street, turning the corner and riding straight home.  After fifty years, my heart still beats a little faster, remembering the fear, but also the relief.

To this day, I remember the peace that rode around the corner with those brothers and friends.  We weren’t out of danger—not by a long shot—but the relief I felt was almost palpable. 

One might think the lesson I learned on that day was of strength in numbers.  I know the truth of that, but it’s not what I remember.

I remember peace.  While still in danger, I felt peace, full and complete.

Odd, isn’t it?  The name of the barrio and its gang, La Paloma, means The Dove.  Thoughout time, the dove has been a powerful symbol of peace.  And there, in frightening circumstances, with disaster just moments away, peace fell over this young boy.

In danger, peace lives, unafraid.

Peace is not the absence of danger, but it is the assurance of safety.

Perhaps I’m not the only one who feels the danger crouching outside my door today.  I hear it in the words, see it in the eyes of both friends and acquaintances. Fear can stalk us as we see death take those we know and love.  Terror is set to spring as the world around us grows more unfamiliar and threatening.

And yet, the Savior told us He was leaving us peace.  It’s not the peace the world craves—the complete absence of danger and of conflict of any kind, but is a peace that supports in the middle of the storm.  (John 14:27)

He was about to be tortured, tried in court, and put to death.  And, He told His followers not to be troubled and afraid.  Their world was about to crash down around their shoulders and they were to continue on with peace in their souls.

It doesn’t make sense. It never has from a human perspective.

2016-07-02 17.27.40-2Once in awhile, the Lovely Lady and I feel the need to retreat.  The world presses in, its cares overwhelming the spirit.  Last weekend, we went to the mountaintop for a day or two.

We stood, overlooking the world below and heard the wind blow gently over the treetops.  In quietness, God speaks eloquently to our spirits.

Creation reminds us that our Creator is as He has always been.

We walked the hillsides of a green valley in the morning, as raindrops began to fall.  The sound of the water from heaven on the canopy of leaves and pine needles above soothed the hurts and fears in our souls.

Ah, sweet peace.

The solitude reminded me that peace has already been given us long ago.  We have only to remember where our strength comes from and realization of our certain salvation is renewed.

The psalmist wrote of it in his own contemplation.  I lift my eyes up to the hills and I realize where my strength comes from.  It comes from God the Creator, who made the heavens and the earth. (Psalm 121:1-2

Not only in the quiet, but in the hubbub, in the tormented days, and the fear-laden nights, peace can be ours.

Not only ours, peace can reign.  In our very beings, the terror is silenced, the fear put to flight.  Peace reigns.  (Colossians 3:15)

When all about us, men whisper of danger and terror in the dark, we don’t disagree.  They do exist.  They do have power.  

But, our safety is not in weapons, not in hoarded wealth, nor even in governments.  The peace those bring isn’t peace at all.  It never has been and never will be.

Peace comes only from the Giver of all good gifts.

Safety itself is ours.

Even when we ride ahead of the pack.

 

 

 

The Dove, on silver pinions
Winged her peaceful way.
(from The Pelican Island ~ James Montgomery ~ Scottish poet/hymnwriter ~ 1771-1854)

 

 

I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.
(John 14:27 ~ NLT)

 

 

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2016. All Rights Reserved.

 

Fight or Flight

It’s not a sight you’d expect to see, here in the foothills of the Ozarks.  The lush wooded landscape, along with the numerous rivers and creeks that crisscross the valleys and hollows hereabouts, doesn’t bear much resemblance to the cactus and sand-smothered expanses of the desert.

Nonetheless, I know what I saw with my own eyes.  While on a longish bicycle ride last week, I actually had to shake my head for a moment in unbelief.  

Surely it was my favorite childhood cartoon come to life!  Up ahead on the road as I crested a hill, a roadrunner stood, poised for flight.

Greater_Roadrunner_(Geococcyx_californianus)_(3399096675)
photo by Dominic Sherony

Well, not for flight.  

The earthbound birds prefer to outrun their predators with their strong and speedy legs instead of using their wings.  They can run as fast as 20 miles an hour when pursued.

The thing is, I can ride my bicycle faster than 20 miles per hour.  Downhill, anyway.  And, I was headed straight for the unfortunate creature as he stood downhill from me.

All Wile E. Coyote-ish, I sped right toward the sprinter.  

He, knowing that danger was approaching, ran for all he was worth.  I gained quickly.  I don’t know if he reached his top speed, but I do know I nearly ran him down.

Zig-zagging all over the road, he gave me no clear path to pass.  It was evident that every instinct told the poor bird I was a predator, intent on his destruction.  Regardless of the fact I was more intent on avoiding him than running him down, he only knew the terror that being close to death can bring.

At the last second, just before my wheels caught him up, the tricky fellow did the only thing he could do—the one thing he may not have known he had the ability to do—he flew up and off the pavement into the low-hanging branches of a maple tree that hung over the fence about twenty or thirty feet away..

He flew!  

The bird that I have always believed could simply avoid any pursuer by out-running it, flew.

Any lingering thought of the Warner Brothers cartoon bird from my youth disappeared from my consciousness with the suddenness of a pricked balloon exploding.

The bird didn’t push the Acme weights off the cliff onto me, didn’t draw a railroad tunnel on the side of a cliff for a train to blast out of and flatten me, didn’t light the wick on a rocket to launch me into the stratosphere.

He flew away.

Gone.  Just like that.  Disappeared from my sight.

One moment, certain destruction—the next, salvation from on high.

Dare I say anymore?  Need I?

Perhaps a word or two.

I’m not the only one who has felt the terror of late; I’ve seen it in the eyes of others.  Many see all chance of escape disappearing from their sight.

Some fear for their future, others for their children’s.   Aged and hardened old men weep in the darkness for the loss of their loved ones.  Young men and women despair of hope.

All run as fast as they can, hoping for escape, but pursued relentlessly by their terror.  There is no escape to be found.

I’ve written recently of the wings of eagles and the ability to run without tiring.  They are a gift from God and there is hope in His strength. (Isaiah 40:31)

But, what if there is another way?  What if the wings and the strong, untiring muscles are not meant to be tools for retreat, but a means of facing the powers that threaten us?

Perhaps, it is time, not for flight, but to fight.  (Ephesians 6:10-18)

And yet, I can’t help thinking there is one more thing to be said.  

What was it, now?  Let me see…

Oh yes.  I’m wondering if we’re all that good at identifying our enemies.

The birdbrain that ran away from me on the road that day thought I was his.  I wouldn’t have harmed a feather on his body.  

I wasn’t his enemy.  At all.

Sometimes, fear makes our enemies seem stronger than they are.  It even manufactures enemies where there are none.

Perhaps, after all, it is time for us just to stand.

Stand and see the salvation of the Lord.

Neither fight nor flight.

Just plain faith.

Salvation is certain.

Stand still.

Still.

 

 

He that flies counts every foeman twice.
(from The Two Towers ~ J.R.R.Tolkien ~ English author ~ 1892-1973)

 

But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!
(2 Chronicles 20:17 ~ NLT)

 

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2016. All Rights Reserved.

Already Safe

There are two black labs in my backyard. 

They’re not all that smart.

I would like to believe I’m much more intelligent than they.  Some days (or nights), I think I could even prove the point.

Somehow though, that assumption is not always accurate.  Oh, it’s not as if they are as intelligent as I; just that I am as ignorant as they are.  Yes, I realize it might be a fine line, but there is a difference.  I think.  Or is it, I hope?

It was a dark and stormy night—no, really—a dark and stormy night.  I was heading to bed after a frustrating non-writing session at the computer when I noticed a noise from the backyard.  

The two large dogs, brother and sister, were out in the gale, staring up into the huge mulberry tree.  I’ve seen that stance before.  They have chased a critter up the tree.  

This could take awhile.

There are a few things you should know about this situation.  The first is these dogs are stubborn—tenacious—adamant, even.  

Bull-headed, the red haired lady who raised me would call it.

I shone my light into the branches of the tree and found the object of their attentiveness.  The critter was hiding his face, but as I moved around the storage building in my way, I was rewarded with a glance at his black robber’s mask.

The black monsters had treed a raccoon.  The little fellow was lodged in the fork of the branch.  He wasn’t budging.

Down on the ground, the black beasts weren’t going anywhere, either.

Stalemate.

This didn’t look encouraging.  

I asked myself a couple of questions:

The dogs have a really nice, heated dog house in which to pass cold windy nights.  Do you suppose they might just get cold and retire to their comfy home?

The trunk of the tree up which the raccoon had clambered is actually outside the fenced yard in which the big black dogs run.  Is it possible he would just shinny down the rough bole and scamper across the ground to his lair?

Neither was likely.  I did the only thing that made any sense.

I locked the dogs in the storage building.  There is a carpet on the floor, laid there for just such eventualities, and I had the foresight to put their water bowl in with them—in case they had worked up a thirst in the commotion.

I locked them in and went to bed.  Slept like a baby.

Very early in the morning, I did go outside again. Just for a few seconds.  I shone the flashlight up into the tree to be sure, but I knew what I would find.  There was no raccoon to be seen.

I opened the door to the storage building.  My two best friends lay side by side on the carpet, asleep.  It took them a moment to realize I was at the door, but they slowly got to their feet and stretching, ambled outside.  It was as if none of the frenetic activity in the wee hours of the morning had happened at all.

As if nothing had happened.

They slept as well as I did.  Five feet above the roof of the building in which alsatian-344065_1280they slept, the raccoon was lodged in the crook of the tree branch. Yet, they slept as if the critter were ten miles away.

As for the raccoon, his situation was not much different either.  Ten feet below him, the great hunters were as close as they had ever been.  Maybe closer.  

When he could see them, he wasn’t budging.  Not an inch.  I didn’t stay out to watch, but I don’t imagine it was long after the door closed on the shed that he began his trek down to safety.

May I point out something?  It may come as a surprise to you, but the raccoon was never in any danger.  

Never.

Dogs don’t climb trees.  Can’t.  Won’t.  They weren’t coming up to get him.  So, the little fella just waited.  Once they were gone, he would move, but not one second before.

But, he could have left the tree at any time he wanted!  The tree in which he cowered was planted in a safe place.  He never had to cower.  Not one moment.

He was always safe.  

I wonder.  How many days—weeks—years have we cowered here when all we needed to do was walk to freedom?

While we eye the terrifying circumstances circling around us, safety lies as close as a few steps in the right direction.

But first, we have to tear our eyes away from the dreadful creatures below.

Perhaps, we have the need for a loving Creator to make the creatures get out of our sight.  But, I’m not sure He needs to make them go away—not even sure if He will make them go away while we live in this world.

What if all that is necessary is for us to see that safety is already ours?

The prophet Elisha’s servant certainly needed that.  It was one of my favorite stories in Sunday School many years ago.  It still is.  The servant rose up early in the morning and saw a terrifying enemy surrounding them.  It was all he could see.  Chariots and soldiers.  Spears and clubs.  Arrows and swords.  Just imagine the terror.  Imagine.

Surely, the prophet could have prayed for escape.  A chariot from heaven perhaps?  He had seen that chariot before.  But no—he prayed that his servant would be able to see.  That’s it.  Open his eyes, Lord.  He needs to see.  (2 Kings 6:15-17)

Personally, I still find it hard to say the words.  I want the easy escape.  I want the miracle rescue.

Open my eyes.

Do the miracles come?  They do.  But, why pray for a miracle when He’s already made the way?

Sometimes the snarling savage beasts below just close their eyes and go to sleep.

Sometimes, we just need to get up and walk right out of the prison we’ve made for ourselves.

Open our eyes, Lord.  We need to see.

You.  We need to see You.

 

 

Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.
(from The Silver Chair ~ C.S. Lewis ~ English author/educator ~ 1898-1963)

 

 

For I am the Lord your God
    who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
    I will help you.
(Isaiah 41:13 ~ NIV)

 

 
© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2016. All Rights Reserved.

Afraid

Chicken!  What are you afraid of? 

The raggedy collection of boys was gathered around, mostly sneering at the skinny kid with bare feet. He looked at their grinning faces as he ran his browned hand nervously through his short sun-bleached hair.

There was nothing to be seen there but derision and scorn.  Not one of them thought he had it in him.  He knew that.  They were certain the terrified little squirt was about to run home to his mama.

Squaring his bony shoulders and taking a deep breath, he looked at the biggest one of the bunch.

“I’ll do it.  I’ll show you.  You think I’m afraid of that old man? What’s he gonna do—call the cops?

With that, he turned and ambled toward the little convenience store determinedly.  The boys waited to see what would happen.

boysbeingboysMoments later, with a triumphant grin on his face, the skinny kid exited the tiny store.  Taking his sweet time, he sauntered up the street to where they waited under the hackberry tree.

They gathered around him again.  “Well?  Show us!” they demanded.

Slyly looking back toward the store, as if to be sure there were no eyes peering from the doorway, he reached in his pocket and drew out a box—a box—of wooden toothpicks.

The boys howled.  

Toothpicks?  You stole toothpicks?  What a loser!  First, you’re too chicken to go; then, you’re too stupid to steal something good. 

The derision coming from all directions was too much.  The little squirt ran home to his mama as fast as his bare feet would carry him.

What are you afraid of?

I want to tell you the answer is—nothing.  

Nothing at all.  I’m not afraid—period.

It’s a lie.

I do not believe anyone walks this earth who has no fears.  Fears come with being human.  

Danger breeds fear.  It’s not an unhealthy thing.

Fear of pain keeps me from putting my hand into the flame of the fireplace.  That’s good.  Burns are not healthy.  People die from severe burns.  You know—infection and all kinds of nasty stuff happens.

Still, there are some fears we keep hidden.  I not entirely happy about these fears.  You see, I have friends who are fond to suggesting that fear is not pleasing to God.  They quote Scripture to prove their point.

Give all of your anxiety to Him, because He cares for you (I Peter 5:7)

Perfect love casts out all fear. (I John 4:18)

I’m not saying they’re wrong.  Fear that paralyzes is not healthy.  Fear that overcomes us emotionally and physically yields disastrous results.

Perhaps, the problem is that we put all fear in the same basket. I’m assuming it’s not all the same.  After all, the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. (Proverbs 1:7

Fear then, can be useful. It teaches us to exercise care.  It admonishes us to consider carefully our course of action.

But, fear can also be harmful.  Sometimes it makes us curl up into a ball and let the world go by without us.  Often it takes away the impetus for doing good for others.

So, we come back to the original question.  

What are you afraid of?

I want it to be something noble.  I want to tell you I’m afraid I won’t have enough time to accomplish great things.  I want you to believe I’m afraid of not engaging people for Christ.  

It’s true. Those are, indeed, some of the things about which I’m concerned.  The problem is that most of the things I fear are not nearly so noble.

Not nearly. 

Someone asked me the question today.  They were being facetious.  I (also facetiously) told them I was afraid of what people would think of me.

It’s not a thing to joke about.  I am afraid of what people will think of me.

It is the reason the skinny boy who became a grown-up me went into that convenience store nearly fifty years ago—terror of what his peer group would think of him.

Sometimes though, the fear of what people think about me has a positive effect. It causes me to think about how God would have me live.  Other times—not so much.  In those times, my fear is for my reputation,  my image.

Then again, I have other fears which nag—nothing more—at the edges of my consciousness.  I fear being left alone, being left behind, and I want never to experience that reality.  I’m afraid of crying in front of other people, especially my children and the Lovely Lady.  Who wants to be seen as weak?

They’re not all that pretty, are they?  Not all so noble.  There are still a few I’m not yet ready to admit publicly.  

I wonder if I’m the only one.  Perhaps not.

Here is what I do know.  God uses fearful men to accomplish His purposes.

Moses was terrified of talking.  Simply talking.  He rescued an entire nation.

The prophet Elijah ran terrified from an already defeated king and hid in a cave.  God took Him to heaven in a chariot of fire.

Peter was full of bravado and brag, but he was afraid of the waves when He walked with Jesus on them.  He was terrified of a serving girl outside the trial of his Savior, soon to be crucified.  Yet, Peter became one of the founders of the Church as we know it today.

If we put our trust in Him, our God will turn our fears into actions which will yield good things in our lives.  Not just for ourselves, but for God and mankind.

The skinny kid, afraid as he was of what his friends would think, pulled one over on them.  The quarter he laid quietly on the counter as he slipped out of the convenience store more than covered the nineteen cent price tag for that silly box of toothpicks.

Fear works in more than one way.

Sometimes, it is the beginning of wisdom.  

The beginning.

What are you afraid of?

 

 

 

 

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
(2 Timothy 1:7 ~ NIV)

 

There are times when fear is good. It must keep its watchful place at the heart’s controls.
(Aeschylus ~ Ancient Greek playwright ~ 525-426 BC)

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2015. All Rights Reserved. 

Still, My Soul

Floodwaters

 Angry, a voice cries out.
Bitter, the answer screamed.

Words in a torrent, released from the dam
Overflow of hearts filled with pain.

Voices clamor, bluster of a wounded band;
Hurt, combatants proclaim superiority.

Floodgates opened, unspeakable filth teems over.
The ugly deluge splatters all in its path.

Good intentions seek the flood to slow,
Sandbags slung before the unstoppable rampage.

Words prohibited; banners torn from halyards,
Pointless posturing, no visible effect.

We stand agape, terror claiming our souls.
Eyes on the carnage, courage flees.

Overwhelmed, I am
Seeing only the flood.

I hear my own voice, raised in anger.
Raucous ranting, it but adds to the cascade.

Lost, pulled under by the unyielding surge,
Twisted and broken, spirits surrender.

Soft, the voice speaks from nearby
Peace. Quietness is yours.

Not in the flood, but on it;
Untouched by anger, standing apart.

Words yet fly; sides are chosen, battles fought.
He quiets them not, nor fights for any.

Peace reigns in His kingdom,
Kingdom of the heart.

 

 

Sometimes He calms the storm.
And other times, He calms His child.
(Scott Krippayne ~ Singer/Songwriter)

 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
(John 14:27 ~ ESV)

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2015. All Rights Reserved.