Why?

She sits and stabs the needle through the material, first down and out of sight, then right back up beside the spot it disappeared.  For hours, she does this.

Intricacy.  Detail.  Painstaking industry.  All are parts of what go into the task—the unmitigated drudgery—that is counted cross stitch.

For a few moments tonight, we discussed philosophy.  The Lovely Lady doesn’t discuss philosophy—or politics.  But tonight, I trapped her.  For just a moment or two, I had her talking about why.

It’s a big subject—Why.

I’ve been reading a two-hundred-year-old book.  What I mean is, the author penned the words two hundred years ago.  The actual volume in my hand is only one century old.

Washington Irving, he of Rip Van Winkle fame, suggests in his Sketch Book (ca. 1819) that writing books is a futile endeavor.  The sacrifice of a lifetime for authors, only to slide the fruit of their labors onto an “inch of dusty shelf…and in another age be lost even to remembrance.”

His words started the why bother wheels into motion for me.  What is the use of writing?  Why would I ever want to publish a book, much less a single essay?

With those heavy thoughts running rampant in my head, I baited the Lovely Lady.  She is a fan of mine—perhaps the only one—and has been gently nudging me toward publishing a book of my material.

“I’m rethinking this book idea.”

She listened to my words with disbelief.  Then, for a few moments, she did what she doesn’t do; she discussed philosophy with me—the philosophy of useless deeds.

It didn’t take long.  After a little give and take, she looked down at her lap and, shaking her handwork in my direction, finished the discussion.

“Why do you think I do this?  Some things you do simply for the joy of doing them.  If writing doesn’t give you joy, then stop.”

With that, she went back to the tiny stitches again, the needle moving like clockwork, first one way and then the other.

The red-headed lady has a point.  But, there is more to it, isn’t there?

I think about the can of worms she has just opened.  She sits for hour after hour of what should be her leisure time, and she turns thread and cloth into art.  Sometimes, she uses a different needle and turns yarn into blankets—or shawls—or scarves.

Hours, she invests into each item.

She gives them away.  Every single one.

Suddenly, in my memory, I am standing in a large plot of plowed dirt watching an old man with a hoe.  He is making a small furrow in the dark, damp soil.  Reaching into a pocket, he pulls out some tiny black particles, dropping them into the furrow before pulling the dirt right back over them.  Tamping them down a little, he smiles and nods as he reaches the end of the row.

2014-04-21 08.44.08Hours, the old man spent in that garden.  My father-in-law loved the garden.  I guess I should say he loved working in the garden.  It was true of him even as a little boy.

He loved thinking about working in the garden.  In the middle of the winter, he was poring through seed catalogs, scheming about how he could change the layout next year to include this certain green bean, or that special cabbage type.

As I let the thoughts float in my head, memory mixed with present realities, a truth comes to mind—one I have never considered.

The old man and the Lovely Lady love the same thing.  They love planting seeds.  Their joy is not in the crop (though they desire that it become reality), but simply in the promise of the seed.

Sowers.  That’s what they are.  I suppose the bad pun of suggesting the lady is a sew-er would be inexcusable, so we’ll just stick with sower, shall we?

Well, one might say, the old man certainly is that, but how is it true of the Lovely Lady?

It’s easy to see.  She spends her hours in preparing the blankets, the scarves, the shawls, and then she buries them in the ground.  Well, not literally, but certainly figuratively.  She gives them away and her part in their journey is done.  What happens next depends on the recipient.

The joy of the sower is in the anticipation.  Anticipation of growth, of longevity, of usefulness.  He or she is not responsible to ensure these happen, but simply to give them an opportunity.

And with that, I realize that our Creator, benevolent Provider we know Him to be, puts in our hands the things He wishes us to sow.

Music, art, communication, mechanical ability, wealth—all of these and more, He invites us to sow.  

We sow, not for the harvest we will reap, but simply for the joy of doing what He has made us to do.  

He tells us to work industriously at whatever we put our hand to—not for our own reward or to reap the harvest for ourselves, but in His name and for His glory. (Colossians 3:17)

I can’t skip over the hard truths, along with the pleasant ones, though.  The seeds don’t always take root.  They often meet misfortunes along the way.

It is hard not to take it personally when that happens.  

When you see an item over which you labored long hours selling in a garage sale for a few cents, it’s easy to lose heart.  I’ve stood with the Lovely Lady in flea markets, as she sadly fingers the work of others, now languishing in a strange place, awaiting some stranger who will see the beauty and appreciate the love that went into its creation.

I wonder; do you suppose the One who sows His love and grace in our hearts, stands and weeps as He sees how far astray we’ve gone?  It is what we are wont to do with His gifts, devaluing them and disregarding the Giver.

Still, He plants and cultivates—and sows again.  

I will be a sower.  It is my calling.

It is our calling.

It’s a difficult undertaking.  We want the compensation.  We want the glory.  We want the fame.

He calls us to sing songs that never make the top lists—or any list at all.  He calls us to invest in others with no chance of a profit for ourselves.  He calls us to cook meals that others will eat—and perhaps complain about.

He calls us to write books that will sit on the shelf awaiting that one person who will open the aging tome and be changed forever—even if it doesn’t happen until we’ve been gone a year, or a hundred years.

He calls us to give cups of cool water—even if we’re the ones who are thirsty.

The joy is in doing what He has put in our hands and hearts to do.  

The beauty is in giving the gift.  

The reward is in obedience.

Seeds are made to be planted.

It’s time to work in the garden.

.

 

 

My point is this: The person who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and the person who sows generously will also reap generously.
(2 Corinthians 9:6 ~ NET)

 

Such is the amount of this boasted immortality.  A mere temporary rumor, a local sound; like the tone of that bell which has tolled among these towers, filling the ear for a moment, lingering transiently in echo, and then passing away like a thing that was not!
(from The Sketch Book ~ Washington Irving ~ American author ~ 1783-1859) 

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2016. All Rights Reserved.

Dead Trees and Broken Promises

The tree is dead.  Dead.

tree-54425_640To say I am unhappy would be truthful.  But, I think it goes even deeper than that.

I feel betrayed.

Twelve years ago, the Lovely Lady and I put a sapling in the ground.  We were careful to follow all the recommendations of the nursery from which we purchased the beautiful little promise of a tree.

Well?  That’s what it was—was it not?  

It was a promise of shady spaces and wind rustling through green leaves.  The promise of branches for grandchildren (not yet born) to climb upon in summertime and of brilliant purples of autumn splendor.

A promise—that’s what it was.

A broken promise.  Now.

Day after day I look out to see if anything has changed.  Every other plant in the neighborhood has burst out in green celebration of the new life Spring entices to accompany itself.  

Already, I’ve had to trim a foot of new growth from the hedge on the opposite end of the front yard, so rapid has been its exuberant development.

I’ve told you about the magnificent scarlet maple around the corner in the backyard and its fantastic enterprise of repopulating the world. Since its emissaries of choice, the spinning jennies floating on the spring breezes, have already done their part, the stately tree has simply covered itself in greenery and is content.

But, what of the twenty-foot-tall ash tree in the front yard?  

Nothing.  No buds.  No leaves.  

Nothing.  

It’s dead.

As often as I walk past it, I break off a little twig and test for life.  The dead wood snaps like a match stick.  Every time.

There will be no shade this year.  Not long from now, if my grandson grabs a limb and pulls himself up onto it, as he did only last week, the limb will give way under his weight.

Broken limb.  Broken promise.

I feel betrayed.  Angry even.

I know, I know—it’s just a tree.  But, I’m not the first to feel this way.  Others have been angry at the loss of their shade, too.

Take Jonah, for instance.  He sat on the hillside, ready to watch a spectacle (though fairly certain it wouldn’t happen) and enjoyed the shade of the plant under which he rested.  When it shriveled the next day, he was angry.  (Jonah 4:6-8)

He wanted to die.  Angry at God for taking his shade, he begged to be allowed to die.

I’m not that mad, but the message of Jonah is starting to get through my thick skull anyway.  

There was never a promise made to me with regard to this tree.  The Creator of all we know allows us to enjoy His gifts.  And, sometimes He takes one away.

In my experience, when He takes away, He gives something better.  I don’t think there’s any promise of that, but it seems to be the way He works.

Often, I think we miss this message when we blame God for the loss of other things which are precious to us.  We forget that He is God.  We forget that He is looking at all of time and history as His plan unfolds.

Still, the losses hurt.  We wonder if we’ve been betrayed.  Anger rises.

But, the tree was never mine.  The things we have lost were always His.

There is a promise I remember about trees.  The promise, spoken beautifully by the psalmist in one of my favorite pieces of poetry, is clear.  (The entire Psalm will be found below, in the old English as I first heard it, years ago.)

The upright person, one who loves God and wants nothing or no one else, is going to be like a tree planted by the river, with roots going down deep into the fertile soil.  

No withered greenery here—no brittle limbs that snap under the fingers—no barren branches.  In every season, this tree will produce its prescribed crop.  Every time.

A promise, not of immense wealth, nor of fame and renown, but of faithfulness and a legacy.

I don’t have to remind you of the rest of the promise, do I?  The psalmist spent no more time on it than will I:

Reject Him and what little impact you have on your world will fade and disappear with a strong wind.

A sobering thought.  Both parts of the promise, I mean.  

Sobering.

I think I like the idea of trees with roots that go down deep.  

Maybe the next one I plant will be like that.  No promises.

But, that other tree?

Our Creator keeps His promises.

Green leaves.  Fruit, in season.  Bounty.

I like trees.

You?

 

 

God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars.
(Martin Luther ~ German theologian/reformer ~ 1483-1546)

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away.
Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.
For the Lord knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.
(Psalm 1 ~ KJV)

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2016. All Rights Reserved.

When the Music Stops

 I can’t see you.

I was out on a run this evening when her message arrived.  Having nearly runner-728219_640completed the first mile of a gentle three-mile run, I was feeling pretty good.

The music in my headphones suddenly stopped and the harsh clang of the message indicator hammered my eardrums.  I glanced down at my phone, held tightly in the plastic-and-velcro carrier on my arm.  The Lovely Lady had words for me.

I stopped.  When she talks, I listen.  Well, most of the time, I listen.  Sometimes, I just appear to be listening.  Perhaps, we’ll leave that subject for another day.

She couldn’t see my progress along the route on which I was running.  The fitness program I use not only tells me how far and fast I’ve run, it sends a GPS signal to other interested parties, showing where I am.

She’s interested.  I’m only half-teasing when I say she needs to know where to send the ambulance.

But tonight, she couldn’t see me.

I  made a change or two to the phone while standing alongside the road, sending a message back right before trotting on my way.

“Can you see me now?”

It took a few moments for her negative reply to arrive, but I was already back to full speed, and didn’t want to stop again.  I sent a curt, almost insensitive message.

“I’m just going to keep running.  Sorry.”

The problem is fixed now, so there shouldn’t be a repeat of her trepidation the next time I head out to feed the fitness bug.  

She needs to see me.

I know the feeling.

There are days, a lot like today—no, just like today—when I stop in the midst of all the commotion and overpowering sense of futility, and say the words.  Sometimes, I say them right out loud—sometimes I shout them in the vacuum of my spirit.

Where are you, God?  In all of this—this pointless exertion—are You here?

I can’t see Him.

On top of the commotion, a longtime friend’s mother was laid to rest today; and a young lady, whose acquaintance I made a few years back when she attended the local university, sent news that her father passed away early this morning. Another friend is grieving the loss of her granddaughter, only a year old.

I can’t speak for them.  I simply know it is at times like these when I want most to know that God is near.  And it is, for some strange reason, at times like these when I can’t see Him.

I can’t see Him.

And the music, which is the joy of life, has stopped.  Either that, or I just can’t hear the sweet melodies and harmonies in my ears like I could before.  Regardless, the silence is unbearable.

Blind and deaf, I stand—wondering if I’ll ever see Him again—uncertain if the sweet music will ever begin again.

It’s funny.  If you stand in darkness and silence for awhile, the senses are sharpened.  

Even now, I can almost hear the whisper—if I try.

I will never leave you or forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

I won’t leave you as orphans.  The world won’t see me, but you will. (John 14:18-19)

Even when you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, nothing evil will touch you. (Psalm 23:4)

The longer we listen to the whisper of His voice, the easier it is to hear.  In the quiet, He speaks to our spirits.  

We only have to listen.

Still.  I want to see Him.

I’m remembering today that we’re not home yet.  Here, we see dimly.  

There?  Face to face.  Clearly.

On that day, with our loved ones (if they were His followers), we’ll see Him.

What a glorious thought!

We’ll see Him.

That’s funny.  I think I can hear music again, too.  You know, there’ll be music in that place, as well.  The thought brings joy.

I want to see Him.  He does give glimpses here at times.  Enough to give us courage.  And strength.

So, I’ll keep walking.

You too?

We could walk together.

I’d like that.

 

 

So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.  So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.
(2 Corinthians 5:6-9 ~ ESV)

 

 

Open our eyes Lord
We want to see Jesus,
To reach out and touch Him
And say that we love Him.
(from Open Our Eyes, Lord ~ Robert Cull ~ American pastor/songwriter) 

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2016. All Rights Reserved.

Still Here

“Okay.  1020 Jasper Street in Palmyra, New York.  Is that right?”

“No!  Elmira, New York.  Elmira!”

I am, once again, struggling.   Even on my best days, I find communications confusing.  Frustrating, even.  

Today is no different.  

It seems that the older I get, the more difficult it is to distinguish between differing dialects.  Bad phone lines don’t help.

My new friend on the telephone, a customer in the East who needs a product my company is offering for sale, has labored to make this Southern boy understand at several points along the way.  

I fear I have finally crossed the line and offended her.

“I’m so sorry.  I just keep making mistakes.”

phone-2319_640At times like this, I feel like a failure as a businessman.

Her response is instant.  Gently, she says, “I’m still here on the line.  It’s not too late to get it right.”

A few moments later, after some laughter and a little more stumbling, we say goodbye.  I hang up the telephone and sit in silence.  Her words ring in my head.

It’s not too late. . .

I wonder.
                             

I snapped at a friend yesterday.  In attempting to fulfill a task I had volunteered for, he had the misfortune to be the last in a line of folks who had played the too-busy-card.

“Everyone’s busy.  I’m busy.  She’s busy.”  I jerked my chin to nod in the general direction of the Lovely Lady standing nearby.  “We’re doing it anyway.  What’s busy got to do with it?”

I’m a failure as a friend.

I would like to not feel the way I do today about that conversation.

Is it too late to fix that?
                             

My beautiful granddaughter sat on my lap during the early service at church recently.  As the sermon began, she found she needed something solid under her bulletin to be able to write the answers to the questions.  You can’t write lightly with a crayon, you know.

A quick glance down the row in front of us made it plain the hymnals were all in use.  The nearest one was in front of her daddy, four or five chairs away.

Knowing a whisper wouldn’t suffice, she made sure there was some volume to her call down the row.  “Daddy!  Daddy! Da….”

I clapped my hand over her mouth and, leaning down near her ear, whispered sharply, “What’s wrong with you?  You know we don’t do that in church!”

Instantly—instantly—I was sorry.  The hurt in her eyes as they looked up into my face spoke louder than any response she could have shouted at me.

The hurt in my heart matches the hurt in her eyes.

I’m a failure as a grandpa.

Is it too late to fix that?
                             

There is so much more to say.  I’m just not sure I’m the one who should say the words.

I shipped the order; I apologized to my friend; I even held the little girl close and made sure she knew I wasn’t upset.

There is more to do.  I am sure I’m the one who should take action.

I am grateful for a Savior who gives second chances.  I am grateful for people around me who are willing to do the same.

I am grateful for the opportunity to do better next time.  And the time after that.

It’s not too late.

The line is still open.

Life and hope.  They walk hand in hand.

We’re still breathing.

 

 

 

The more ugly, older, more cantankerous, more ill and poorer I become, the more I try to make amends by making my colors more vibrant, more balanced, and beaming.
(Vincent van Gogh ~ Dutch artist ~ 1853-1890)

 

 

Love does no wrong to a neighbor. . .
(Romans 13:10a ~ ESV)

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2016. All Rights Reserved.

Spinning Jenny

I actually felt bad as I accelerated away from the stop sign.  It was only a momentary thing.

I had noticed a number of the distinctive seed pods from the maple tree on the windshield of my truck as I left home, but didn’t take the time to brush them off.  The cause of my short-lived remorse was simply the thought of removing the seeds so far from their parent tree, a gorgeous scarlet maple that stands in my backyard, not twenty feet from where I write tonight.

It was a foolish thing, but I can’t help it.  I seem to have foolish tendencies sometimes.  It may run in my family.

Then again, it may run in the entire human race.

I smiled as I shoved down on the accelerator, imagining how it appeared from behind the truck.  The helicoptering seed pods were caught by the wind and brushed up and over the cab of the truck, to spin in the blustery gale.

I planted maple trees all the way to my destination.

spinningjennyI have been fascinated with the fantastic little helicopters all of my adult life.

To me, the magic of Spring is encapsulated in those wonderful winged vehicles.  Oh yes—they are indeed vehicles of mass transportation, moving hundreds of thousands of seeds from the parent tree to a resting place on the ground.

Some of them fall immediately under the tree, where they will languish, perhaps springing up temporarily, but perishing for lack of sunlight and virgin earth in which to sink their roots.

Others will be shanghaied, as were those I planted during my morning outing in the truck, and will be carried to places far away. They’ll never be reunited with their sires, but they perhaps, will grow to prodigious heights themselves and populate a different corner of their world.

The great majority of them will spin and blow from the limbs of the stately tree to nearby destinations, sailing as far as the limitations of their physical design will allow.  If the circumstances are right, a single maple sapling will arise from the spot in which each of them alights.

If.

Imagine, if you will, the feeling of hanging from the parent tree in Spring.  By the thousands, the little pods develop over the course of a few weeks as the days lengthen and become warmer.  The seasonal rains do their part, as well.

What a sensation!  Not a thing in the world to be feared, with food whenever it’s needed.  Clinging tightly to the limb, there is protection from the elements close to the warmth and strength of the great structure with its roots going down deep into the soil below.

The wind blows and the pod simply swings, secure in its place.  It spins a bit and wonders about the odd sensation, but is calmed quickly with the reassurance of security and safety.

But today—today—the wind blew thousands of the little helicopters off of the tree.  Imagine that feeling!

I can’t help but think the first reaction would be one of pure panic.  No more safety.  No more comfortable assurance of things going on as they always have.  Questions rush to mind.

Where will I stop?

What if I get sick on the way to where I’m going?

What will I find there?

How will I get on?

Who will care for me?

Somehow, I envision the sensations changing as the spinning continues.

This isn’t so bad!

I could do this for awhile.

Why was I so afraid?

Did I call these little life conveyances an example of the magic of Spring?  I think magic may be too fanciful a word, although for some, the reality may stretch the boundaries of faith even more than the thought of magic.

The master design by the Creator of everything is far beyond the ken of our puny intellect.  From the largest of intelligent beings to the smallest of plants, He has planned the perpetuation of each species in ways we could never have imagined possible.

I gazed in wonder at the maple tree earlier this evening, my inferior brain attempting to take in the scope of all the samaras hanging under the tender leaf shoots which have only this week begun to appear.

Samara is the scientific term for the spectacular seed conveyances which are now spinning into the air everywhere.  I prefer the name the children in Northern England use for the mysterious devices.

Spinning Jenny, they call the helicopter-like seedpod, as they toss it again and again into the air.  

Spinning Jennies.  I may always call them that, until the day I turn loose from the tree I hang from myself.

Ah.  At last we come to it.

Our Creator did not forget humans in His design for perpetuating the species.  And no, as incredible as is the process of procreation in mankind, I’m not referring to how we keep the species going physically.

I’m considering a more spiritual thought as I make the comparison.  And, I assume that most who read these words are followers of Christ—believers—as I am.

He called us to leave the place of comfort.  He called us to minister to all the world.  He called us to die daily—to take up our cross and follow Him. (Luke 9:23)

And, just as quickly as that idea blows the winds of change over us, we feel ourselves spinning and falling, borne away from comfort, and ease, and all that is familiar.

I smiled earlier at the thought of the cute Spinning Jennies flying through the air.

I’m not smiling anymore.

They are falling to their death.  To their death.

It is a sobering thought.

And the Teacher said, “Except a grain of wheat fall to the ground and die, it remains alone.”

It’s a steep price to pay for a fantastic, exciting, scary journey.

But, think of it my friends!  The ultimate payoff is life itself.

Life itself.

For ourselves and for those we bring with us.

The trees know.

Is it time to let go yet?

A price will be paid.

It will.

Oh. But, what a ride!

Time to let go.

 

 

 

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.
(John 12:24 ~ NASB)

 

 

Oh!  The places you’ll go!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers!
who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because sometimes, you won’t.
(from Oh The Places You’ll Go ~ Theodor Seuss Geisel ~ American children’s author ~ 1904-1991)

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2016. All Rights Reserved.

People Change

The tears flow more easily these days.  I can’t explain it.  It’s not as if there’s any good reason—a daughter’s wedding for instance, or a totaled vintage sports car.

I apologized for embarrassing the Lovely Lady at the concert the other night.  She just smiled and suggested that it doesn’t bother her at all.  I’m going to take her at her word.

The concert?  Oh, it was just a performance of the choir from the local university—an encore of their annual spring break tour material for the folks in our little town.  

I used to detest choral music.  I thought I was supposed to hate it.  I grew up in the sixties and seventies, an era of rock and roll, and disco, with a little Take Me Home, Country Roads mixed in.  

We didn’t listen to choral music.

choir-408422_640But, people change.

The other night, I sat and listened to the young voices raised in harmony and let the tears roll down my cheeks without bothering to wipe them dry.  

What beauty!  What astounding beauty!

I was especially overwhelmed by one particular song—no, not the song—the singers.  Two young ladies sang a duet, really solos which blended with each other seamlessly.  The piece was written for two sopranos, and was quite high.  The young ladies were up to the task and the result was spectacular—a performance to listen to again and again.  

But—and this is odd—I remember reading that one of the sopranos had been an alto singer when she entered the university’s vocal program.  A low alto.  And here she was singing a gorgeous duet way up in the high range of the female voice.  

What happened?

People change.

I sat at the dinner table with a few folks the other day.  The portions of dessert which were served had been generous.  The Lovely Lady noticed one of our guests was struggling to finish his too-large serving and mentioned that she wouldn’t be insulted if he couldn’t finish.

“We don’t require people at our table to clean their plates,” I added lightly.

My adult son jerked his face toward me in surprise.  

“That’s not how I remember it used to be,” he said in a voice filled with mock-hurt.

I immediately saw scenes of battles-of-the-wills—little boy refusing his mashed potatoes—Dad insisting he eat at least a no-thank-you helping of the vile things—and I cringed inwardly.  He was only half-serious now, and yet the images are inked indelibly on my brain.  His too, I suppose.

Hanging my head a little, I replied.  “I hope I’m always growing and doing things better than I used to.”

He laughed.  “I’m not horribly scarred from the experience, you know.”

We laughed together.  Still, the truth remains—at least I hope it does.

People change.

It is not always the case.  An old friend and I stood today, talking about an acquaintance who passed away recently.  My friend remembered the fellow as a teenager—headstrong, angry, and resistant to improvement.

As we talked, suddenly both of us fell quiet, thinking about the same thing.

“It’s funny,” my friend said.  “He was just like that until the day he died.”

It’s not really that funny.  Some people don’t change.  

I think that’s just plain sad.

Lest you think I’m talking about us pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps, and earning our own salvation, let me assure you, I’m not.  That’s not the point at all.  

Our redemption and adoption into the Family of God are guaranteed by one thing and one thing only—the grace of a loving God who Himself became the sacrifice necessary to satisfy the requirement of holiness and justice.  

We are saved by grace, through faith in Jesus.  Period.  (Ephesians 2:8)

We don’t stay there without moving, though.  Our journey through life continues on.  We are presented with choices at every twist and turn.

We grow.  We walk and we learn.  We become, it is to be hoped, more like our Savior as we journey on.  Prompted by the Spirit, we leave our old rags behind, and are dressed in His clothes.

People change.

The girl who thought she was limited to the low range of the female voice submitted herself to her mentor’s instruction and now sings with a range most of us can’t imagine.  It’s a good thing,  a very good thing.

The old man who once demanded perfection of his children and would not open up his ears to different melodies and harmonies than those with which he was comfortable is finally learning a more gentle manner and a wider repertoire.

More changes will come.  At least, it is to be hoped more changes are in the future.

What a shame for a man to die in his obstinance.  How does the gentleness of our Savior not compel us to become gentle?  How does His love not move us to be loving?

People change.  And, they should.

Perhaps, even that sentence should be modified.  It won’t take much to change its meaning.  Two punctuation marks. 

People, change!

 

Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.
(Fyodor Dostoyevsky ~ Russian novelist ~ 1821-1881)

 

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
(2 Corinthians 3:18 ~ NIV)

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2016. All Rights Reserved.

I’ve Got All Day

Ten o’clock sharp.  Every weekday morning.  The door is unlocked and the music store is open for business.

It says so on the door in black and white:  Business hours: 10:00 AM to 6:00 PM

Right on the door.  In black and white.

I actually arrive most mornings an hour early.  Preparations need to be made.  Loose ends are tied up from the previous day’s business.  Orders have to be assembled.  Repairs sometimes need to be completed.  I want to be ready for the customers who will walk through the door each day.

I see them in the parking lot.  Nearly every morning, vehicles pull off the street and pause before the front door.  They’re reading that business hours sign.  They always leave—well, nearly always.

Earlier this week, as I readied the cash register at about a quarter to ten, I noticed a nondescript economy car pulling up to the store.  I ignored it, certain they would back out and leave, to return after I opened up.  I was wrong.

Wham! Wham! Wham!

The door rattled with the force of the blows.  I wasn’t ready to open up yet, besides which, I tend to be a little obstinate when rushed before hours.  I didn’t open the door.  A car door slammed outside and I heard a tiny bit of tire-rubber being deposited on the asphalt as the driver left.

I think he was unhappy.

And yet, at 10:05 when he returned (the door then being unlocked), there was no indication of any residual discontent.  Our conversation was cordial—friendly, even.  It was interesting to hear him talk about his day.  He said it more than once, so I’m fairly certain it was so:

“I’ve got the whole day off. I’m just going to take my time and do whatever I want.”

I’m confused.

The door pounding?  The tire squealing?  Something’s not right here.  The sign clearly gives perspective on what one would expect.  Experience with other retail establishments would discourage such actions.

woman-1243250_640And, he’s got all day.  No hurry at all.

Why is virtue so hard?  You know—patience is a virtue, good things come to those who wait—things like that.  

Why is it so difficult, then?

I don’t have the answer to that.  But, I do find myself thinking about the impetuous man.  In quiet hours, I wonder.

I’ve got a whole lifetime.  He had only one day.  A whole lifetime, to live my life.  Yet constantly, I am impatient—antsy to get on with things.

You too?

It’s funny.  We have the signs that tell us what to expect.  Springtime and harvest.  Day follows night.  One man plants, another harvests.  To everything there is a season.  All written in black and white for us to read.

But, we stand at the door, not being able to see what’s happening behind it, and we pound with our fists, perhaps even kicking it with our feet.

We know the truth.  Our times are in His hands.  For all our uncertainty and stumbling in the darkness, we believe He controls all that happens to us.  (Psalm 31:15)

Or, do we?

He says wait, and we fidget—be patient, and we worry.

We’ve got all our lives.  And, we can’t add one millisecond to those lives by worrying.  He says that, too.

His plan is being worked out in us.  He began the work; He’ll complete it. (Philippians 1:6)

Wait.  

He knows how much time we’ve got.  Pounding on the door won’t change His plan.  Laying rubber in the parking lot will have no effect whatsoever.

Do you know that waiting builds us into the people we were intended to be?  I hope I’m not stretching here.  

They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength.  They shall mount up on wings as the eagles do.  They’ll run and not grow tired.  They’ll walk and not become faint.  (Isaiah 40:31)

Patience, my friends.  

The doors will open wait-661072_640at exactly the right time and we’ll be welcomed in.

It says so right there in black and white.

Wait.  Patiently.

Wait.

 

 

Have patience.  Have patience.
Don’t be in such a hurry.
When you get impatient,
You only start to worry.
Remember.  Remember,
That God is patient, too.
And think of all the times
When others have to wait for you.
(from Music Machine ~ Hernandez/Powell ~ Singer/Songwriters)

 

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all.Who hopes for what they already have?  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
(Romans 8:24-25 ~ NIV)

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2016. All Rights Reserved.

You? A Genius?

I didn’t laugh.  I’m sure I didn’t.  Still, I must have looked a little incredulously at him, because he repeated the word.  

Genius.

A genius.  Really?

The fellow in front of me, a rather normal looking fellow sixty-some years of age had just let me in on a secret he hadn’t told many people.  When he was younger, he informed me quietly, his school counselor had administered an IQ test.  

His voice got even quieter, almost a whisper, as he nodded sagely.  “It was right up there at genius level.”

We didn’t speak about that again in our conversation.  I was happy to leave the subject alone.  As we talked though, I observed some things that continue to give me pause tonight.

He told me he didn’t read books—in fact, he hates reading.  I also noted his lack of grammatical accuracy as we spoke together.  It is not something I normally take note of, such inaccuracies being the rule rather than the exception for many people I talk with.

Still, I expected more—of a genius. 

Well, you would—wouldn’t you?

The gift (or curse) of genius brings with it the weight of responsibility.  It is true of all gifts.  Not to say that they must be repaid, but that there is a respect due the gift itself—the respect of using it well and to its fullest capability.

I’m not a genius.  I think no one would attempt to foist that improbability off as truth.  I have muddled through life with my average intelligence.  I’m rather proud of it.

But, even as the words appear on the page, I have a sinking feeling they may come around to trip me (and perhaps you) up.  Let’s see if we can still avoid that, shall we?

The genius who refuses to play the part of one—that’s who we’re speaking of here, isn’t it?  Perhaps, we can just cast our judgments about him and be done with it.  

He’s been given so much, so very much, and yet he goes about his average life, working his average job, doing the same things any of us average folk do.  Doesn’t he know he owes the world more?

Oh, I can’t do this! 

You knew I couldn’t.

This isn’t about my genius friend who won’t play the part of a genius.  It’s about me.  It might even be about you.

I hear the words of the Teacher, as he spoke of those who had been given magnificent gifts and understanding of how to use those gifts.  To whom much has been given, much will be required.  And, those who have received an even greater portion will be asked for that much more. (Luke 12:48)

Somehow, I get the idea He wasn’t talking about financial wealth.  I’m not even sure He was speaking of physical abilities.

The extraordinary splendor of knowing and walking with God is a gift of astounding value.  The gift of God’s grace is unsurpassed in human history in it’s importance to mankind.

He gives us this gift to hold ourselves.  In our bodies made from dirt, which will return to dirt, He stores all of eternity.  All of it.

The responsibility that accompanies the giving of this extraordinary, astounding gift is just as extraordinary and astounding as is the gift itself.  

And yet, we disregard the gift—disregard it as if it were as ordinary as a Sunday morning.  And, in disregarding the gift, we disregard the Giver.

In spite of our disregard, and only because of our Creator’s unfailing mercy, we yet retain the gift.  His faithfulness toward us is immeasurable.  (Lamentations 3:22)

And I—I have the arrogance to point a finger at the man who was given nothing more than a minor upgrade in intellect.  The lack of scale here is ludicrous.  There can be no comparison.  None at all.kerosene-lamp-1202277_640

What an astonishing gift we’ve been given!

Perhaps, it’s time we lived up to it.

Time to toss off this bushel basket.  

It’s time for us to shine!

 

 

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those timid spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.
(from a speech by Theodore Roosevelt ~ 26th U.S. President ~ 1858-1919)

 

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
(2 Corinthians 4:7 ~ NIV)

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2016. All Rights Reserved.

Another Bridge

From my workbench in the back room of the music store, I heard her exclamation of dismay.

Just moments earlier, the Lovely Lady, knowing I had over-promised and was likely to underperform if I didn’t have some relief, had suggested that she would take care of any new business until I could complete the jobs due this afternoon.  It was a good plan.  My work was going well and it appeared that deadlines might actually be met.

Then I heard her unhappy outburst.  

She would be calling me anyway, so I headed for the front.  The sight that met my eyes was, to a lover of fine musical instruments, a sad and disastrous horror.

The young man wasn’t smiling either, as he stood beside the broken and splintered guitar.  But, I remembered a few months before, when I had installed an electrical pickup system in the aging acoustic Martin, giving him a new facet to its usefulness.

He had had a smile on his face as he carried the instrument out on that day.   He had been sure the beautiful guitar, one he had acquired while still in high school, would be the only one he would ever need.

It took a single moment—just a few seconds of forgetfulness—to dash that belief forever.  

An afternoon at work, good intentions, a momentary distraction, and the guitar was under the wheels of the huge truck.  Completely destroyed.

Lifetime plans dashed.  Instantly.

As the young man spoke to me, he gently touched the fragments of wood.  I could see the pain in his face—could feel it in his voice.  But, there was something else in his voice—indeed, something different written on his face.  He had come in for a purpose, and it was not to commiserate over the fate of the beloved instrument.  

Purpose!  That was what I heard in his voice.  Purpose and resolve.

He would not dwell on the past.  He was ready to move on.

“Let me show you my new guitar!”

The instrument he drew out of the new case was a beauty to behold.  A custom guitar, handmade by an artisan from a nearby town, it simply begged to be played.  The young guitarist gave in and sat for a few moments to demonstrate the capabilities of his new love.  The crisp, clean lines of the instrument were matched by the music that poured out of it.

The clarity and warmth of tone that emanated from the polished spruce and rosewood box were surprising and expected, all at once.  

When he finished playing, we spoke for a few moments about how happy he was with the new tool he held in his hands.  He means to play this guitar for a lifetime, as well.

But, there was more.  He is ready to leave the old broken guitar in the past, but he wanted a favor from me.

“Is it possible that the pickup system from the Martin will fit in this one?”

It made sense.  He had spent hard-earned dollars on that system—quite a few of them.  We might just as well salvage it and keep it in use.  It would do the job just fine.

He was simply being practical.  But, then again, perhaps there was a little sentiment in the request.

The need to move forward was clear.  The old guitar would never, never play another note.  But, part of it might be incorporated into the new one.  The old would aid the new to achieve the vision the young man had always had for his future.

It would be a bridge, of sorts, between the past and the future.

I would help him cross the bridge.

I anticipated seeing the smile on his face again, just as I had the last time he carried a guitar out of my shop.

The future awaits.

2016-03-28 23.45.59-1As I sat thinking about what I would write tonight, my thoughts were naturally drawn to bridges.  It really is almost unavoidable.  You see, I am surrounded by paintings of bridges in the room in which I sit.  I have given in to the urge to write about them often before.

I have written of the past and the future, using a bridge as a metaphor for the place where we stand, gazing first behind, and then ahead.  Looking back, we see the events of the past clearly.  Looking forward, we see an uncertain future.

I have insisted that I must cross boldly to the future, encouraging my readers to do the same.  But, tonight I’m wondering.

What do we do when the things we must leave behind were what we loved most in life?

I know folks who have stood at the approach to the bridge for weeks, months, even years, never moving.  Gazing back at what is, even now, lost in their past, they still see nothing across the bridge to coax them to set the first foot on the platform.

Like the Children of Israel in the desert, they receive the sustenance of their God who promises them a place far better than any they left behind, and yet they pine for the food they ate when they were slaves. (Numbers 11:4-6)

Too harsh?  

I also have stood in cemeteries and looked at the pile of freshly-turned dirt, reluctant to turn my back.  I’ve watched dreams disappear into the air, like the morning mist in sunlight.  

The disappointments and tragedies pile up behind me, as they do for every human who has ever walked this earth.  

We can cling to them, like so many splintered guitars, for everything we’re worth.

There will never—ever—be another note of music from that source.  The voices of the past are forever mute—in this world, anyway.

The human spirit is, however, designed by its Creator to be resilient and nearly impossible to crush.  Like my young guitar-playing friend, it hears the call from the future and must answer.

We’ve stood at the bridge for long enough, looking back.  The past cannot be retrieved, but what we’ve learned in it may be incorporated into the future.  

Our memories are woven—hopelessly intertwined—into the fabric of our lives; we will never lose them.

I like the young guitarist’s way of thinking.

True, there is great sadness in the past.  There was great joy as well.

Both will be found again.  

In front of us.

And one day—one glorious day—the last bridge will be before us.  Nothing awaits on the other side, but great, great joy.  No sadness.  No pain.

Joy.  Across the last bridge.

I’m still walking.  Still feeling.  Still trusting.

There will be sweet music again.  Of that, I’m sure.

Sweet music.

 

 

 I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.
(Philippians 3:13-14 ~ MSG)

Oh, my dear little librarian. You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to make today worth remembering.
(from The Music Man ~ Meredith Willson ~ American playwright ~ 1902-1984)

 

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2020. All Rights Reserved.

A Man Died

I spent a few hours this evening not watching murder mystery reruns.  An afternoon’s worth of lawn work, followed by a strenuous bicycle ride, made it seem advisable (perhaps, even imperative) to sit without moving a sore muscle for several hours.

It was difficult to concentrate on the television programs.  I’ve not been able to concentrate on much for the last couple of days.  My mind keeps saying the words, over and over again.

I did this.

It hit me on Thursday evening.  With others in my church, we commemorated the night Jesus was betrayed by Judas.

Oh, I wanted to blame him!  But, Judas didn’t put Jesus on that cross.

I was glad for the dim lighting in the church that hid the tears rolling down my face as the scripture was read.

I did this.

One of my poet friends reminded me with beautiful words on Friday that those who mourn shall be comforted.  Jesus Himself promised it.  He did.

But, I did this.

So, I sat for the last few hours this evening and hoped the blaring noise of the television would drown out the voice in my head.

For awhile, it did.  Then, a phrase from an actor in the show cut through my consciousness.

“A man died.  Can we focus on that?”

But, that’s just it.  I haven’t really been able to concentrate on anything else for days.

A Man died.  Not just a Man—God, who came as a Man to do just that.  To die.

As I write, the clocks in the house strike the hour.  It is midnight.  Easter.  By the time you read this, Easter will be reality.

He is risen!  He is risen indeed!

Still, I sit and wait for this guilt to be lifted. 

Over the last couple of days, I’ve noticed a trend—one I’ve never taken note of before.  A number of folks have offered opinions on what went on for those interminable days between the death of this Man/God and His astounding return to life.

Some have actually argued about it.  Really.  

I’ve seen articles about what Jesus did during that time, what Mary His mother did and felt, where Joseph was, even what Mary Magdalene did.  I don’t know the answer.

I certainly don’t want to argue about it.  Somehow though, I have to wonder if they didn’t think some of the same thoughts I have over the last few days.

I did this.

Peter, with his denial. The other disciples with their cowardice.  Even Judas, with his certainty.  All of them wailing into the dark.

I did this.

My Savior hung on that cross, dying because of my sin.  The weight of that thought is crushing.

But, it is resurrection day.  The Man who died did not stay dead.  

He will turn our mourning into dancing, our guilt into righteousness.  We who were condemned will be pardoned. 

What a day!

A Man died.  

Can we focus?  

That we could live, a Man died.

And, He lives.

Joy comes in the morning! 

 

 

You have turned my mourning into dancing for me;
You have taken off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.
(Psalm 30:11-12 ~ AMP)

O love divine, O matchless grace-
That God should die for men!
With joyful grief I lift my praise,
Abhorring all my sin,
Adoring only Him.
(from My Jesus, Fair ~ Chris Anderson)

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2016. All Rights Reserved.